I am writing this article in the cosy service apartment in Jalan Ampang, KL as I am on an assignment here. It is a magnificent night view outside and I can see the sparkling lights of the twin towers from my window. I wish Sau Han and the children were here to share this view .I already miss them. Nevertheless, it is a great opportunity to think about and rely on God when we are away from the comfort zone of our family.
I have just prayed for a while before starting this paragraph. The Ezzos taught us that the quantity and quality of trust the children have in us, as fathers, is the only legitimate benchmark of our relationship with them.
To earn that trust, there were some practicals that we can follow.
The first is to listen, encourage and embrace them. The other day, when Stefan was sharing about his insight from his bible study on parenting, he raised a question about what would our children write about us on our tomb stone. I gave it some thought and came out with this to spur me to listen, encourage and embrace my children everyday. I hope my children will engrave this on my tomb stone:
Cheong-L.E.E. Gay Teck;
He Listens to us,
Encourage us,
Embrace us
in all his living years.
The second is to allow our children to appeal to our instructions. Lets read 2 verses from the bible.
Colossians 3:20
Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may lose heart.
This 2 verses looks to contradict each other. On one hand , we expect complete obedience and on the other we should not exasperate them. Where should we draw the line ? Should we allow some form of disobedience so as to avoid exasperation ? Because exasperation is a terrible thing. I have experienced it from my father and like the bible said, it makes me lose heart in the way I do things.
The trick is this: we, as fathers must allow our children to appeal to our instructions. By allowing our children to appeal to us, it bridges the 2 verses, thus preventing both disobedience and exasperation. It gives the child the chance to tell his side of the story and it gives the father the chance to consider whether his instructions might just be too harsh or insensitive.
The Ezzos also taught us that there will be times when the children will open the window of their hearts to the father. During these tender times, we must bear in mind that there are 4 questions that the children will ask. These questions comes from deep down in their hearts.
The boy will ask these 2 questions:
1) Do I have what it takes to be a man? What is my heart, my soul, my strength, my mind made of?
2) Am I good enough when I offer all my heart, my soul, my strength and my mind?
The girl will ask these 2 questions:
1) Am I beautiful externally ? Am I beautiful in my heart, my soul, my strength and my mind?
2) Will you love me with all your heart, your soul, your strength and your mind?
The right answers will give the children the security they need in their life. A father's answer is security to the children. It is a father's mandate.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Thoughts on GKGW Series: Devotionals-We Need Not Be Perfect
A brother shared the familiar account of Jesus feeding the 5 thousand on one of the Sundays for poor contribution. Lets read the account from John 6:1-13.
Sometime after this, Jesus crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee, and a great crowd of people followed him because they saw the miraculous signs he had performed on the sick. Then Jesus went up on a mountainside and sat down with his disciples. The Jewish Passover Feast was near.
When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip,"Where shall we by bread for these people to eat?" He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.
Philip answered him," Eight months' wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!" Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother spoke up,"Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"
Jesus said," Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the man sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.
When they all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples," Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.
The brother went on to share about how the little boy decide to give despite having just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes. Jesus took that and multiply it a thousandfold just like that. What an inspiring story. Jesus can take what little we can offer and amplifly it a thousands times, a million times.
Perfectionism is my number One enemy in doing devotionals with my children. I remember the times I will tell myself: " I am not in the mood today" , " I have too little energy today", "The children is not in the right mood today", "My preparation is not enough", "what if I send the wrong message to the children" etc... And the day go by without devotionals. Before we know it, a week passed by without any devos. We are waiting and waiting for the perfect moment, which may never come.
Lets see what Jesus is telling us through the 5 loaves and 2 fishes:
"It is ok to return home tired and not be in the mood. It is ok that you had very little time to prepare. It is ok that you feel like 5 loaves or 2 fishes. It is ok that your children might look like 5 thousand men. Just take out the devo material and just do the devo. I will amplify what little you have to offer a thousand times, a million times."
I feel greatly encouraged and motivated whenever I think of those words. I need not be perfect when I start my devotionals with my children. Because Jesus is perfect and he will take care of the rest.
Sometime after this, Jesus crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee, and a great crowd of people followed him because they saw the miraculous signs he had performed on the sick. Then Jesus went up on a mountainside and sat down with his disciples. The Jewish Passover Feast was near.
When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip,"Where shall we by bread for these people to eat?" He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.
Philip answered him," Eight months' wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!" Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother spoke up,"Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"
Jesus said," Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the man sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.
When they all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples," Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.
The brother went on to share about how the little boy decide to give despite having just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes. Jesus took that and multiply it a thousandfold just like that. What an inspiring story. Jesus can take what little we can offer and amplifly it a thousands times, a million times.
Perfectionism is my number One enemy in doing devotionals with my children. I remember the times I will tell myself: " I am not in the mood today" , " I have too little energy today", "The children is not in the right mood today", "My preparation is not enough", "what if I send the wrong message to the children" etc... And the day go by without devotionals. Before we know it, a week passed by without any devos. We are waiting and waiting for the perfect moment, which may never come.
Lets see what Jesus is telling us through the 5 loaves and 2 fishes:
"It is ok to return home tired and not be in the mood. It is ok that you had very little time to prepare. It is ok that you feel like 5 loaves or 2 fishes. It is ok that your children might look like 5 thousand men. Just take out the devo material and just do the devo. I will amplify what little you have to offer a thousand times, a million times."
I feel greatly encouraged and motivated whenever I think of those words. I need not be perfect when I start my devotionals with my children. Because Jesus is perfect and he will take care of the rest.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Thoughts on GKGW Series: Topics on Behaviour Instruction
The following are some of the practicals on behaviour that the Ezzos have taught us. The principles behind these practicals are not discussed here as this is meant to be a summary of practicals. Nevertheless if we are doing devotionals on these topics , I think we should refer to the principles in the GKGW book and teach our children the principles also.
Respect for Age
Teach our children :
1) To give up seats for the elderly.
2) To put their hands on parent's shoulders/ hands and wait before interrupting the parents when we are in a conversation with others.
3) To say "Hello" when other people says hello to them.
4) To say " Thank you" when other people praise them.
5) To address "Uncles" and "Aunties".
Respect for Peers
1) Encourage our children to be happy when something wonderful happens to a sibling.
2) Make it clear to the children: When it is one child's birthday, the siblings do not receive a gift.
3) Make it clear about family chores the children must do: e.g. setting up the table, sweeping the floor, setting up the bed, clearing the rubbish bin.
4) Have the children look after other children when friends visit.
Obedience
1) Make it clear to the children that first time obedience is required.
2) Make it clear to the children that the following is how instructions will be given and how they should respond:
a) Parents will maintain eye contact when we give them instructions.
b) We will give them a "5 minutes warning period" after giving them the instructions.
c) They should respond with "Yes, Daddy" and "Yes, Mummy" after listening to the instructions.
Whining
1) Make it clear to the children that whining is not acceptable.
2) Make it clear this is how we will react to the whining: If the child asks for something in a whining tone, we will ask the child to stop and ask her/ him to come back 5 minutes later to ask properly.
Throwing Temper Tantrums
1) Make it clear to the children that throwing temper tantrums is not acceptable.
2) Make it clear to the child how we will react to temper tantrums: We will isolate the child and give chastisement after that.
Sibling Conflict
1) Encourage the children to bring the conflict to the parents. Make it clear to the children that the parents will bring justice to a conflict.
2) Make it clear to the children: If a child hits, pushes, talks badly, gossip about his sibling, we will give chastisement to the child.
Respect for Age
Teach our children :
1) To give up seats for the elderly.
2) To put their hands on parent's shoulders/ hands and wait before interrupting the parents when we are in a conversation with others.
3) To say "Hello" when other people says hello to them.
4) To say " Thank you" when other people praise them.
5) To address "Uncles" and "Aunties".
Respect for Peers
1) Encourage our children to be happy when something wonderful happens to a sibling.
2) Make it clear to the children: When it is one child's birthday, the siblings do not receive a gift.
3) Make it clear about family chores the children must do: e.g. setting up the table, sweeping the floor, setting up the bed, clearing the rubbish bin.
4) Have the children look after other children when friends visit.
Obedience
1) Make it clear to the children that first time obedience is required.
2) Make it clear to the children that the following is how instructions will be given and how they should respond:
a) Parents will maintain eye contact when we give them instructions.
b) We will give them a "5 minutes warning period" after giving them the instructions.
c) They should respond with "Yes, Daddy" and "Yes, Mummy" after listening to the instructions.
Whining
1) Make it clear to the children that whining is not acceptable.
2) Make it clear this is how we will react to the whining: If the child asks for something in a whining tone, we will ask the child to stop and ask her/ him to come back 5 minutes later to ask properly.
Throwing Temper Tantrums
1) Make it clear to the children that throwing temper tantrums is not acceptable.
2) Make it clear to the child how we will react to temper tantrums: We will isolate the child and give chastisement after that.
Sibling Conflict
1) Encourage the children to bring the conflict to the parents. Make it clear to the children that the parents will bring justice to a conflict.
2) Make it clear to the children: If a child hits, pushes, talks badly, gossip about his sibling, we will give chastisement to the child.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Thoughts on GKGW Series: Devotionals- More than just Instructions on Behaviour
Some of the greatest periods of moral training take place in periods of non conflict. Devotionals can be defined as a time of imparting instructions with encouragement during non conflict times. I feel that encouragement is an essential ingredient during devotionals and it makes the time so much more attractive to the children.
The Ezzos have taught us about instructions on behaviour and skills, and the ways we can give encouragement (remember the discipline flowchart we had to memorize and reproduce). I have add in another category called "Adventure", as you can see in the diagram above. I think that devotional times in the broad sense, should include not only instructions on behaviour/ bible knowledge, but also include instructions on essential skills and times of adventure together.
Behaviour
We have been using the book "As for Me and My House" for my instructions on behaviour and teachings of biblical moral values. It has been fun. I think we have the adavantage that Samuel and Sunny's age gap is just 1 year, so we just have to tune to one frequency. Recently I got another book "The One Year Book of Devotions for Kids", so we can use that for next year.
The Ezzos taught us that encouragement on good behaviour can be done through the following:
a) Verbal reminder
b) Dialogue questions
c) Positive words
d) Verbal affirmation
e) Rewards
Oops, a long list to memorize! No. We don't have to memorize. We have time to prepare for our devotionals. During our preparation, we can decide which encouragement technique suits our lesson and use that to encourage our children during the devo.
Skills
On some evenings, I will just talk to my children about the skills they are acquiring and encourage them. For example, we will talk about their swimming lesson. We have got the goal incentive worked out: They will get the toy they have been eyeing for some time once they are able to swim the length of the olympic pool without float.
The Ezzos taught us that encouragement on achieving certain skills can be done through the following:
a) Verbal praise
b) Goal incentive
On the note of skills, I plan also to impart some household repairs and maintenance skills to them. I remember one life changing incident many years when I first got married and moved into our new house. One evening, one of the light bulb blew and I had no idea how to change the light bulb! My father have never impart any household repair skills to me. You should have seen the "Are you sure, I can't believe it" look on Sau Han's face. In the end, I called my father to come and change the light bulb for me. I feel so embarrassed just thinking of it. By God's grace, I have after that incident learnt many household repair skills through these years and I have my own tool box now. I got to give thanks to my other "bible" called " HDB Residents' Handbook- Your Household Repairs & Maintenance Guide". You can see the book in the diagram above.
Adventure
This category is not in GKGW and I have included it after reading the book "Wild at Heart". In adventure, we will face risk, uncertainty and danger. The scouts will know what I meant. It is during these times, our hearts are bared before God's heart. We need Him, depend on him, rely on him to carry us through the uncertainties and dangers. There is no room to hide any part of our heart. We draw close to God.
There is a part in our heart that craves for adventure. When was the last time you felt, oh work is so boring, I need some adventure? The children will probably feel sometimes that study is just eerh, I need some fun, some adventure. I think our heart is made this way because God wants to draw us close to him through adventure. Look at our own John Louis, he loves fun and adventure. I think he has a heart that is after God's heart.
I believe from young, we need to provide the right avenues of adventure for our children. We need to do adventure together with them and teach them. Many people have grown up without proper guidance and avenues on adventure. What kind of adventure do they turn to: Drug addiction, pornography, sexual addiction... their pseudo world of adventure.
I have decided to adopt water sports as our family's adventure. We are going to bring our children to swim frequently, go to water theme parks, kayaking in Krabi, river play at Kuantan, beach resorts.
We have been reading some adventure books on some evenings also. We are going for books like Enid Blytons' The Famous Five and the likes of Hardy Boys.
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