Thoughts on GKGW Series: The Father's Mandate

I am writing this article in the cosy service apartment in Jalan Ampang, KL as I am on an assignment here. It is a magnificent night view outside and I can see the sparkling lights of the twin towers from my window. I wish Sau Han and the children were here to share this view .I already miss them. Nevertheless, it is a great opportunity to think about and rely on God when we are away from the comfort zone of our family.

I have just prayed for a while before starting this paragraph. The Ezzos taught us that the quantity and quality of trust the children have in us, as fathers, is the only legitimate benchmark of our relationship with them.

To earn that trust, there were some practicals that we can follow.

The first is to listen, encourage and embrace them. The other day, when Stefan was sharing about his insight from his bible study on parenting, he raised a question about what would our children write about us on our tomb stone. I gave it some thought and came out with this to spur me to listen, encourage and embrace my children everyday. I hope my children will engrave this on my tomb stone:

Cheong-L.E.E. Gay Teck;
He Listens to us,
Encourage us,
Embrace us
in all his living years.

The second is to allow our children to appeal to our instructions. Lets read 2 verses from the bible.
Colossians 3:20
Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may lose heart.

This 2 verses looks to contradict each other. On one hand , we expect complete obedience and on the other we should not exasperate them. Where should we draw the line ? Should we allow some form of disobedience so as to avoid exasperation ? Because exasperation is a terrible thing. I have experienced it from my father and like the bible said, it makes me lose heart in the way I do things.

The trick is this: we, as fathers must allow our children to appeal to our instructions. By allowing our children to appeal to us, it bridges the 2 verses, thus preventing both disobedience and exasperation. It gives the child the chance to tell his side of the story and it gives the father the chance to consider whether his instructions might just be too harsh or insensitive.

The Ezzos also taught us that there will be times when the children will open the window of their hearts to the father. During these tender times, we must bear in mind that there are 4 questions that the children will ask. These questions comes from deep down in their hearts.

The boy will ask these 2 questions:
1) Do I have what it takes to be a man? What is my heart, my soul, my strength, my mind made of?
2) Am I good enough when I offer all my heart, my soul, my strength and my mind?

The girl will ask these 2 questions:
1) Am I beautiful externally ? Am I beautiful in my heart, my soul, my strength and my mind?
2) Will you love me with all your heart, your soul, your strength and your mind?

The right answers will give the children the security they need in their life. A father's answer is security to the children. It is a father's mandate.

Thoughts on GKGW Series: Devotionals-We Need Not Be Perfect

A brother shared the familiar account of Jesus feeding the 5 thousand on one of the Sundays for poor contribution. Lets read the account from John 6:1-13.

Sometime after this, Jesus crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee, and a great crowd of people followed him because they saw the miraculous signs he had performed on the sick. Then Jesus went up on a mountainside and sat down with his disciples. The Jewish Passover Feast was near.

When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip,"Where shall we by bread for these people to eat?" He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

Philip answered him," Eight months' wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!" Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter's brother spoke up,"Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"

Jesus said," Have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the man sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

When they all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples," Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

The brother went on to share about how the little boy decide to give despite having just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fishes. Jesus took that and multiply it a thousandfold just like that. What an inspiring story. Jesus can take what little we can offer and amplifly it a thousands times, a million times.

Perfectionism is my number One enemy in doing devotionals with my children. I remember the times I will tell myself: " I am not in the mood today" , " I have too little energy today", "The children is not in the right mood today", "My preparation is not enough", "what if I send the wrong message to the children" etc... And the day go by without devotionals. Before we know it, a week passed by without any devos. We are waiting and waiting for the perfect moment, which may never come.

Lets see what Jesus is telling us through the 5 loaves and 2 fishes:
"It is ok to return home tired and not be in the mood. It is ok that you had very little time to prepare. It is ok that you feel like 5 loaves or 2 fishes. It is ok that your children might look like 5 thousand men. Just take out the devo material and just do the devo. I will amplify what little you have to offer a thousand times, a million times."

I feel greatly encouraged and motivated whenever I think of those words. I need not be perfect when I start my devotionals with my children. Because Jesus is perfect and he will take care of the rest.

Thoughts on GKGW Series: Topics on Behaviour Instruction

The following are some of the practicals on behaviour that the Ezzos have taught us. The principles behind these practicals are not discussed here as this is meant to be a summary of practicals. Nevertheless if we are doing devotionals on these topics , I think we should refer to the principles in the GKGW book and teach our children the principles also.

Respect for Age
Teach our children :
1) To give up seats for the elderly.
2) To put their hands on parent's shoulders/ hands and wait before interrupting the parents when we are in a conversation with others.
3) To say "Hello" when other people says hello to them.
4) To say " Thank you" when other people praise them.
5) To address "Uncles" and "Aunties".

Respect for Peers
1) Encourage our children to be happy when something wonderful happens to a sibling.
2) Make it clear to the children: When it is one child's birthday, the siblings do not receive a gift.
3) Make it clear about family chores the children must do: e.g. setting up the table, sweeping the floor, setting up the bed, clearing the rubbish bin.
4) Have the children look after other children when friends visit.

Obedience
1) Make it clear to the children that first time obedience is required.
2) Make it clear to the children that the following is how instructions will be given and how they should respond:
a) Parents will maintain eye contact when we give them instructions.
b) We will give them a "5 minutes warning period" after giving them the instructions.
c) They should respond with "Yes, Daddy" and "Yes, Mummy" after listening to the instructions.

Whining
1) Make it clear to the children that whining is not acceptable.
2) Make it clear this is how we will react to the whining: If the child asks for something in a whining tone, we will ask the child to stop and ask her/ him to come back 5 minutes later to ask properly.

Throwing Temper Tantrums
1) Make it clear to the children that throwing temper tantrums is not acceptable.
2) Make it clear to the child how we will react to temper tantrums: We will isolate the child and give chastisement after that.

Sibling Conflict
1) Encourage the children to bring the conflict to the parents. Make it clear to the children that the parents will bring justice to a conflict.
2) Make it clear to the children: If a child hits, pushes, talks badly, gossip about his sibling, we will give chastisement to the child.

Thoughts on GKGW Series: Devotionals- More than just Instructions on Behaviour

Some of the greatest periods of moral training take place in periods of non conflict. Devotionals can be defined as a time of imparting instructions with encouragement during non conflict times. I feel that encouragement is an essential ingredient during devotionals and it makes the time so much more attractive to the children.

The Ezzos have taught us about instructions on behaviour and skills, and the ways we can give encouragement (remember the discipline flowchart we had to memorize and reproduce). I have add in another category called "Adventure", as you can see in the diagram above. I think that devotional times in the broad sense, should include not only instructions on behaviour/ bible knowledge, but also include instructions on essential skills and times of adventure together.

Behaviour

We have been using the book "As for Me and My House" for my instructions on behaviour and teachings of biblical moral values. It has been fun. I think we have the adavantage that Samuel and Sunny's age gap is just 1 year, so we just have to tune to one frequency. Recently I got another book "The One Year Book of Devotions for Kids", so we can use that for next year.

The Ezzos taught us that encouragement on good behaviour can be done through the following:

a) Verbal reminder

b) Dialogue questions

c) Positive words

d) Verbal affirmation

e) Rewards

Oops, a long list to memorize! No. We don't have to memorize. We have time to prepare for our devotionals. During our preparation, we can decide which encouragement technique suits our lesson and use that to encourage our children during the devo.

Skills

On some evenings, I will just talk to my children about the skills they are acquiring and encourage them. For example, we will talk about their swimming lesson. We have got the goal incentive worked out: They will get the toy they have been eyeing for some time once they are able to swim the length of the olympic pool without float.

The Ezzos taught us that encouragement on achieving certain skills can be done through the following:

a) Verbal praise

b) Goal incentive

On the note of skills, I plan also to impart some household repairs and maintenance skills to them. I remember one life changing incident many years when I first got married and moved into our new house. One evening, one of the light bulb blew and I had no idea how to change the light bulb! My father have never impart any household repair skills to me. You should have seen the "Are you sure, I can't believe it" look on Sau Han's face. In the end, I called my father to come and change the light bulb for me. I feel so embarrassed just thinking of it. By God's grace, I have after that incident learnt many household repair skills through these years and I have my own tool box now. I got to give thanks to my other "bible" called " HDB Residents' Handbook- Your Household Repairs & Maintenance Guide". You can see the book in the diagram above.

Adventure

This category is not in GKGW and I have included it after reading the book "Wild at Heart". In adventure, we will face risk, uncertainty and danger. The scouts will know what I meant. It is during these times, our hearts are bared before God's heart. We need Him, depend on him, rely on him to carry us through the uncertainties and dangers. There is no room to hide any part of our heart. We draw close to God.

There is a part in our heart that craves for adventure. When was the last time you felt, oh work is so boring, I need some adventure? The children will probably feel sometimes that study is just eerh, I need some fun, some adventure. I think our heart is made this way because God wants to draw us close to him through adventure. Look at our own John Louis, he loves fun and adventure. I think he has a heart that is after God's heart.

I believe from young, we need to provide the right avenues of adventure for our children. We need to do adventure together with them and teach them. Many people have grown up without proper guidance and avenues on adventure. What kind of adventure do they turn to: Drug addiction, pornography, sexual addiction... their pseudo world of adventure.

I have decided to adopt water sports as our family's adventure. We are going to bring our children to swim frequently, go to water theme parks, kayaking in Krabi, river play at Kuantan, beach resorts.

We have been reading some adventure books on some evenings also. We are going for books like Enid Blytons' The Famous Five and the likes of Hardy Boys.

Thoughts on GKGW Series: The Best Time for Parenting

The aim of parenting is to train the heart or conscience of the children.

Matthew 12: 34-35 says, "For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him. The evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

We want to train our children to be :

a) God oriented;
"Love your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength and all your mind".

b) Others oriented;
" Love your neighbour as yourself".

Parenting will be done differently during the non conflict times and conflict times. The Ezzos taught us that the majority of parenting should be done in the non conflict times. Thus devotionals is of extreme importance to our children. This is the time when the heart and mind of both the parent and children are at peace. We are clear of what we want teach them and the children are receptive to what we teach.

During conflict times, much effort is spent on finding out what happens and after that administrating the proper steps/ punishments to correct the children's behaviour. Most of the time, the conflict will involve other adults and other children. Thus, it is also a time for managing and resolving the conflicts. Conflict times are nevertheless necessary because it is when our children's sins and weaknesses are exposed. There is definitely some heart-ache for the parents but it is an excellent opportunity to correct our children's heart.

Personally, I believe the best time for parenting is during the non conflict times. I will be sharing my thoughts on devotionals in the next few articles.

Thoughts on GKGW Series: Lucifer's Hatred

We talked about wonderful husand-wife relationship previously. I will like to start out by asking ourselves this question: "How is our marriage fairing?" Some of our answers might be: "Great! Its has never been so good." Some might answer:" We are ok. There are a couple of things we are working on. Overall we are ok." These answers are certainly encouraging.



Brothers, let us ask oursleves another question:" In our marriage, is there an unspoken agreement with our wife that says something like this: I love you and I have an intimate relationship with you. In fact, I have given you so much more than other man would have given to their wives out there in the world. I am sure you ought to be happy. You know, I am sure you know that, as much I am willing to grow closer to you, there is this line I will not cross. Beyond this line, you get too compicated and I can't handle it, we will get hurt. So you and I agree that this is as far as I will come close to you." Give a few minutes to think deeply about this question. If you are very sure you don't have this unspoken agreement, close this article and carry on what you were doing. Otherwise, let us explore deeper.



Like you who are reading on, I have this unspoken agreement in my marriage. I would say: "But, but it is my wife who forced me to have this agreement. I had no choice. You see,when I tried to get closer, she launches this defense mechanism that wants me to do this, to do that, to change this , to change that; It is just beyond me lah." This sounds so, so "reasonable" at first. But you and I know that it is a pathetic excuse and even more pathetic to form this agreement.



How did this agreement form? Did I talk to my wife and agree on it ? No. Did my wife discuss with me and agree on it? No. Then how did it form? Ah, you see, it is because my wife and I understand each other so much that we need not talk and still form the agreement in our minds. You must be laughing now. Of course it couldn't be formed this way. Or could it be? Was there a third voice talking to me through all this?



Yes. You must guessed it by now. The third voice is Lucifer. He does not want our wives to be loved to the fullest and he spoke this agreement into our minds.

Lucifer hates man and woman because we are make in God's image. But Lucifer's first hatred is towards woman.


Let us explore the scriptures. Satan was first called Lucifer, son of the morning. He was an angel full of glory, brightness and radiance.



Ezekiel 28:12-14 talks about the splendor and beauty of Lucifer:



"You were the model of perfection,

full of wisdom and perfect in beauty.

You were in Eden, the garden of God;

Every precious stone adorned you:

ruby, topaz and emerald, Chrysolite, onyx and jasper,

sapphire, turquoise and beryl.

Your settings and mountings were made of gold;

on the day you were created they were prepared.

You were anointed as a guardian cherub, for so I ordained you.

You were on the holy mount of God;

You walked among the fiery stones."



Lucifer was perfect in beauty. But pride crept into his heart and caused his downfall.



Ezekiel 28:17 says:



"Your heart became proud on account of your beauty,

and you corrupted your wisdom because of your splendour."



Brothers, Lucifer fell because of his pride. His heart for revenge is to assault the beauty. His first hatred is toward the woman.

In the garden of Eden, who did Lucifer attack ? He attacked Eve and deceived her. Because Eve was the beauty. Adam was mascular perhaps but not a beauty.In the same way, the unspoken agreement was put in our minds by Lucifer to harm our wives and our marriage.

What can we do about it since we now know Lucifer's scheme ? In the garden of Eden, when God asked Adam why he ate the forbidden fruit, Adam answered that it was Eve's fault, he has no choice, he was 'forced' to. Hmm, sounds familiar. Now let us asked ourselves, when Lucifer deceived Eve, where was Adam? My God, Adam was right there! He was right there beside Eve and he did nothing to stop Lucifer.

Brothers, let us not be like Adam. Let us take courage and destroy the unpsoken agreement. Let us cross the enemy line and draw ever closer to our wives. We will be wounded definitely because our weakness will be exposed, there will be uncertainty and there will be risk. But let us remember what Paul said in 2 Corinthians 11:30, "If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness".

In the movie "Behind Enemy Lines", when Owen Wilson crossed the enemy line, his fighter jet took the enemy's missiles and he took the enemy's bullets. But what kept him fighting for survival was the hope that the special forces on the aircraft carrier will come to rescue him. The special forces came and guess what , the Admiral was personally leading the rescue mission.

Brothers, in our marriage, we will be wounded when we cross that enemy line. Lucifer will make sure of that. But we have the special forces with us, our brothers in our small group. We need to bring our wounds to each other, pray for each other and God will heal our wounds. And when we are healed, we will have the renewed energy to go back to fight to love our wives deeper.

I certainly want to repent and take courage in destroying the unspoken agreement and crossing that enemy line. With the special forces behind me, I believe I can take my marriage higher and deeper, always.

Side Note
I was pretty bothered by my lack of evangelism recently. While I was writing this article, it dawned on me that my wounds from my evangelism efforts was not been healed. The sarcastic looks ,sarcastic remarks, rejections still hurts me. I need to bring the wounds to the special forces to talk about it and pray for healing.

Thoughts on GKGW Series: Priority Relationship

The Ezzos taught us that the priority relationship before a good parent-child relationship can be established is a good husband-wife relationship. The Ezzos wrote: " The greatest overall influence that you're going to have in parenting will not come while your are in your role as a mother and father, but rather while you are in your role as a husband and wife. "

Interestingly, the non christian community teaches this concept as a parenting principle also. I was reading the book " Essential Parenting Tips" published by Ministry of Community Development and Sports and one of the tips was this: " The best gift for a child is a harmonious relationship between parents". The book went on to give examples how couples can show love and appreciation for each other in front of their child. What a great gift from God to the community.

Nevertheless, God has reserved the greatest treasure for those who believes and obeys him. There is a priority relationship before a wonderful husband-wife relationship can be established. This relationship is our relationship with God himself. Our intimacy and walk with our heavenly father is the most important. An awesome relationship with God leads to a wonderful husband-wife relationship. A wonderful husband-wife relationship leads to a great parent-child relationship.

Thoughts on GKGW Series: Why I am Writing

What a memory we had of the Fridays when we all came together for the Growing Kids God's Way (GKGW) lessons at Edmund and Dominique's place. We learnt great principles and techniques about parenting and also we had incredible food.

After the lessons were over, I decided to do my own bible study on the GKGW series so that the principles and techniques will be rooted in my parenting. I have completed the study and would like to share with your my thoughts. During this time, I have also read "Wild at Heart" and "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge in the context of parenting. Thus I have got a couple of ideas from these 2 books and incorporated them into GKGW.

I will be presenting my thoughts in a number of articles and I hope to finish posting them before mid November 07. The presentation format will be slightly different from how the Ezzos did it. Because I have used the technique of mind mapping to re-arrange the concepts so that it was easier for me to remember and put them into practice.

The following articles will be posted in the next couple of weeks:
1) Priorty relationship
2) Lucifer's hatred
3) The best time for parenting
4) Devotionals: More than just instructions on behaviour
5) Devotionals: We need not be perfect
6) Some devotional topics from GKGW
7) The father's mandate
8) Approving what is excellent: Freedom to be adventurous
9) The wound of wrong parenting: Prohibitive conscience

Happy reading and I look forward to your comments.

The Demon-Possessed Man

In Mark 4, Jesus and his followers were caught in a furious squall. And Jesus slept through it all, only waking up to rebuke the storm. And why did he cross the lake of Galilee? For only 1 purpose - to help the man called legion. Because it says in Mark 6 that after he had healed the man, he crossed back to the other side of the lake. We are that demon-possessed man. Jesus left the crowd on one side of the lake to come to us who are hurting and lonely. And he came for me individually, though I am always thinking that he came to die for all of humanity. When the storm has blown away and the sky has cleared, Jesus was standing there at the shore. He looked past my exterior, a grotesque and detestable me, to what I was capable of becoming.

Online bible activities

Found a really cool website with flash bible games and activities for children. Very well done.

http://www.wonderzone.com/

Camping Trip Comic Style Part II

Camping Trip Comic Style

Two useful links

Thought these sites would be useful in helping us in our bible studies and parenting:

The difference between bible reading and bible study - helpful distinction made, helps those of us who have this perfectionistic mindset that if I can't have good bible study everyday, I might as well not do it : 

http://www.jesuswalk.com/bible-study/bible-study.htm

And some more ideas for devotionals:

http://familyrenewalministries.com/ideas_family_devotions.html

Welcome

Want to take this opportunity to welcome three more couples to our group: Derek and Yan Fen, Joel and Rachel, and last but not least, Vincent and Sharon, who have been joining us for quite some time now at GKGW....I'm sure we'll have a blast, and we're all looking forward to getting to know you all, though for some of us, we're already friends for a very long time, right?

5 Ways to Long Life

This is not the tao of longetivity. It is wholely and solely taken from the bible.

1st Way: Obey God's Commands

1 Kings 3:14 says,
And if you walk in my ways and obey my statutes and commands as David your father did, I will give you a long life.

Proverbs 3:1-2 says,
My son, do not forget my teaching but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity.

2nd way: Fear the Lord

Proverbs 10:27 says,
The fear of the Lord adds length to life, but the years of the wicked are cut short.

3rd way: Use Wisdom

Proverbs 3:13-16 says,
Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding, for she is more profitable than silver and yields better returns than rubies, nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honour.

Ecclesiastes 7:10 says,
Wisdom is a shelter as money is a shelter, but the advantage of knowledge is this: that wisdom preserves the life of its possessor.

4th way: Honour your parents

Ephesians 6:2-3 says,
Honour your father and mother- which is the first commandment with a promise- that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.

5th way: Pray

2 Kings 20:1-6 says,
In those days, Hezekiah became ill and was at the point of death. The prophet Isaiah, son of Amoz went to him and said, "This is what the Lord says: Put your house in order, because you are going to die; you will not recover. Hezekiah turned his face to the wall and prayed to the Lord, "Remember, O Lord, how I have walked before you faithfully and with wholehearted devotion and have done what is good in your eyes. And Hezekiah wept bitterly. Before Isaiah had left the middle court, the word of the Lord came to him: Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, This is what the Lord, the God of your father David says: I have heard your prayer and seen your tears, I will heal you. On the 3rd day from now, you will go up to the temple of the Lord. I will add 15 years to your life. And I will deliver you and this city from the hand of king of Assyria. I will defend this city, for my sake and for the sake of my servant David.

Spiritual, Emotional & Physical Well Being

As we comb through the passages related to health, we find that God has always blessed us in 3 areas of our life, namely, spiritual, emotional and physical well being.

Spiritual & Physical Well Being:

Proverbs 3:1-8 says,

My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity. Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favour and a good name in the sight of God and men. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

Exodus 23:25 says,

Worship the Lord your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.

Proverbs 4 :20-22 says,

My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body.

Emotional Well Being:

Psalm 147:3 says,

He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.

Jeremiah 30:17 says,

I will restore you to health and heal your wounds, declares the Lord, because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.

Jeremiah 33:6 says,

Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security.

When we continue to keep God's commands, deny ourselves daily and always be repentant, we will always have God's blessings and healing spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Racial Harmony Day

What a blast we had at the racial harmony day....kudos to ZQ who organised the whole event, and the singles who were so giving.

Brought the kids to the RSAF booth and queued to get the kids photographed...the lengths that this parent would go for his aspirations for his kids...ha ha.

Visualize heaven vividly

It has always been difficult to visualize heaven. I use to think of heaven as blocks of clouds and christians will fly in between them in white clothes. Can't imagine having to do that for eternity, boring will be an understatement.

I did my bible study on the topic of heaven for a month last year. I went through the verses in the bible related to heaven and read some related books on heaven. (Books on heaven are hard to come by) The following is what I gather heaven will be like:

1) Heaven is the earth that God has intended for Adam & Eve before they sinned. The earth that God created for Adam & Eve was meant for eternity. Whatever that was lost to Adam & Eve and the humans subsequently would be restored in heaven.

2) We will be given a new body in heaven. A body without the sinful nature. We no longer have to struggle with "What I want to do, I don't do; What I don't want to do, I kept doing."

3) We will be given a new body that is free from sickness and disease; a body that never go tired. Imagine this: Monday, walk with a group of christians to Masai for seafood; Tuesday, walk to Malacca for nonya food; Wednesday, swim to Bangkok for tonyam soup; Thursday, jog to the disney land in Tokyo; and imagine this goes on eternally.

4) We will be given wisdom far beyond our understanding. Whatever disappointments, sufferings, pain we went through on earth will be explained to us.

5) Ever wonder why there is no more marriage in heaven. Because everyone will be perfect in christ. The man will possess the feminine qualities, the woman will possess the masculine qualities. There is no need for husband and wife to compliment each other any more.

I believe heaven will be a million times better than what we gather from the above points. So good that it is beyond what words can describe. Lets be inspired to help one another and others around us to get to this wonderful place where God is waiting. Amen.

Reward or Bribe?

So what are the differences between a reward and a bribe?

Stefan gave the scenario about bringing his son out for a ride on the bike if he takes his afternoon nap.

Some parenting experts will tell you that a bribe is given before the good behaviour, and a reward is given after the good behaviour. Others (including the Ezzos) will go further and say that we should not even offer the goodie before the required behaviour. Some will also say that a bribe originates from and is controlled by the child, and if a parent has control of the bargain, then it is a reward.

I think these are all superficial distinctions between the two.

Ezzo encourages goal incentives and tangible rewards to motivate a child to try harder in particular developmental tasks like skills, talents (swimming, playing the piano etc) and not routine duties like personal responsibilities like packing up his toys, bathing, etc. It is definitely a bribe if the child disobeys an instruction and you offer something to make him obey. So there is a difference between modifying behaviour (usually with moral implications) and developing skills, which are essentially non-moral.

But I think the most important thing is whether you are characterised by bribing and offering extrinsic tangible things for the kids instead of allowing them to grow their intrinsic motivation, e.g. joy of obeying, satisfaction at doing difficult.

So we are all bribing and threatening parents at one time or another - don't get guilted out by that, and become paranoid about everything we say or do. Instead, we should consciously do our best to bring out the best in our kids, and catch them at doing something good because it is just the right thing to do.

Phua Chu Kang

Was at Edrik's school yesterday to support him in his fancy dress competition.   He was dressed up as Phua Chu Kang.  Here's a photo.  We're so proud of him for being such a sport.  He won second prize in his level.

God knows everything

This devotional is quite fun....Take a box of maybe 6 - 8 crayons and a paper bag or an envelope.  Tell that you know everything, because you have the magic eye.  And get them to empty the box and choose one colour and put it back into the box, ad the rest in the envelope.  All this while you have your back facing them.  When they are ready, you take the box with the one crayon in it and shake it, pretending to guess what colour it is.  You will then bring it with both hands and put it behind you, secretly opening it and scraping a little of it on your nail.  You will then bring it back to the front and you will be able to tell the colour by the little on your finger nail.  They will want you to do it several times, but each time you would guess it.  You can even let them try, and most of the time they would not be able to guess the colour.

You don't reveal the truth to them at this point yet.

Then you can choose a bible story about the omniscience (all-knowing) of God, say Job. God knew throughout all of the sufferings of Job that he will restore everything to him.  The point of the story is that God will take care of us in good or bad times - our job is to trust him.

At the end of the story you reveal your secret to the children.

King David's shipwreck

Many people have explained King David's affair with Bathsheba as a result of his idleness and being away from the battle.  It may be one of the contributing factors, but I think it is too simplistic to think this way.  He probably shipwrecked way before that...by marrying so many wives - six to be exact.  And God did specifically give instructions not to take many wives (Deut 17:14-17).  Is it any wonder he had no self control when it came to women?  Just because the kings of surrounding nations were polygamous didn't mean he could also follow suit, especially when God gave his warning.  And each time he took a new wife, the Holy Spirit probably prompted him not to do it.  But I guess he ignored the warnings....

Titanic's shipwreck was just like that....six warnings in the form of messages from other ships of ice ahead.  And all the messages either did not reach the captain or ignored totally by him and his crew.

So do we just get shipwrecked in our faith out of the blue?  The answer is obviously no.  Slowly but steadily we inch closer to the edge.  And God will send warnings in the form of promptings from the Holy Spirit or advice from people.

And I thought that it is also no surprise that Solomon took even more wives than his father, and his ended up turning away from God in the end.

Talk about not finishing strong....

No Hair Elisha

Just did a simple family devotional with the kids based on 2 Kings 2:33 - 34 where Elisha got taunted by a group of youths.  And a bear came out and mauled 42 of them to death.

We talked about 2 things - one about respecting leaders (including parents, teachers, elders) God put in our lives, another about seemingly "unfair" things in life, or "bad" things that God allowed to happen in our lives.

Edrik was able to give the example of Paul being jailed twice and God only rescued him the first time.  And then I asked why that might be the case.  He couldn't figure it out, and I explained that sometimes God allowed "bad" things to happen first, before something good results.  And in Paul's case, it resulted in the whole palace hearing about the gospel.

We started the whole devo with a riddle about a body part - our hair, of which Elisha had none, and that was the reason why the youths taunted him in the first place.

Kuantan

Here's a pic of the kids having a blast at the Kuantan river...

Satan the gentleman

Something I read today in the book "Finishing strong":

Satan is a gentleman, Bacon told us.  A charming fellow with immense power, subtlety, and thousands of years of experience. His chief aim, of course, is to injure the God against whom he once rebelled.  To accomplish this, Satan misrepresents the Creator to his creatures, always attempting to frustrate his good purposes for them and hopefully - in the process - break the heart of God.  Satan promises us the world, but as Milton said, "All is false and hollow; though his tongue drops manna and makes the worse appear a better reason."

How true...when we start believing that the worse is a better reason, we have fallen into Satan's trap:

• It's ok...God will understand why I did not do my quiet time today...after all, I've already prayed to him yesterday, and read my bible last week...when I am less busy next week, I will pray to him.
• I'm sure God will understand why I'm not tithing...after all, I have to provide for my family, and have got many commitments....
• It's ok...I can just go out once for lunch with this female colleague of mine alone....there's really nothing between us....
  

Before we know it...bang...the trap is sprung, and we're left strangled by the noose Satan has specially custom-made for us.

First post

Hello all,

This is inspired by the success of the communication via email that our group has enjoyed over the last few months, and also to imitate what the campus group has done. I've created this blog even though I've never done blogging in my life...

I'm not going to say that all of us have to write something all the time, but try your best...at least come in regularly to see what the others have to say.

What should we post here?

We can write what we have learnt from sermons, quiet times, family devotional ideas, life's lessons.

I think we can post photos as well...

We can encourage one another....

We can request for prayers, share about prayers answered.

We can share about our struggles...with discretion, of course....

We can also share about inspiring stories from our lives as well as one another's...

plus many many more.

Well...anything true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy....yes, you're right...Philippians 4:8