Thoughts on GKGW Series: The Father's Mandate

I am writing this article in the cosy service apartment in Jalan Ampang, KL as I am on an assignment here. It is a magnificent night view outside and I can see the sparkling lights of the twin towers from my window. I wish Sau Han and the children were here to share this view .I already miss them. Nevertheless, it is a great opportunity to think about and rely on God when we are away from the comfort zone of our family.

I have just prayed for a while before starting this paragraph. The Ezzos taught us that the quantity and quality of trust the children have in us, as fathers, is the only legitimate benchmark of our relationship with them.

To earn that trust, there were some practicals that we can follow.

The first is to listen, encourage and embrace them. The other day, when Stefan was sharing about his insight from his bible study on parenting, he raised a question about what would our children write about us on our tomb stone. I gave it some thought and came out with this to spur me to listen, encourage and embrace my children everyday. I hope my children will engrave this on my tomb stone:

Cheong-L.E.E. Gay Teck;
He Listens to us,
Encourage us,
Embrace us
in all his living years.

The second is to allow our children to appeal to our instructions. Lets read 2 verses from the bible.
Colossians 3:20
Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may lose heart.

This 2 verses looks to contradict each other. On one hand , we expect complete obedience and on the other we should not exasperate them. Where should we draw the line ? Should we allow some form of disobedience so as to avoid exasperation ? Because exasperation is a terrible thing. I have experienced it from my father and like the bible said, it makes me lose heart in the way I do things.

The trick is this: we, as fathers must allow our children to appeal to our instructions. By allowing our children to appeal to us, it bridges the 2 verses, thus preventing both disobedience and exasperation. It gives the child the chance to tell his side of the story and it gives the father the chance to consider whether his instructions might just be too harsh or insensitive.

The Ezzos also taught us that there will be times when the children will open the window of their hearts to the father. During these tender times, we must bear in mind that there are 4 questions that the children will ask. These questions comes from deep down in their hearts.

The boy will ask these 2 questions:
1) Do I have what it takes to be a man? What is my heart, my soul, my strength, my mind made of?
2) Am I good enough when I offer all my heart, my soul, my strength and my mind?

The girl will ask these 2 questions:
1) Am I beautiful externally ? Am I beautiful in my heart, my soul, my strength and my mind?
2) Will you love me with all your heart, your soul, your strength and your mind?

The right answers will give the children the security they need in their life. A father's answer is security to the children. It is a father's mandate.